If I were to ask you to list the five hardest things for you to do in your life on an on going basis how would you answer, what would you say? When I asked that question the other day, here are some answers I got. The raising of a family, being patient, balancing your career with your personal life, staying joyful, not worrying, staying calm under pressure and balancing the finances were mentioned frequently.
There was something that no one mentioned, which I believe is one of the hardest things in our life to develop and to maintain. It will inconvenience us at times, make us mad and demand a lot of our energy and sometimes even our resources. It has been the catalyst for many movies and the inspiration of many authors, and without it we would have a hard time surviving. What is it? It is the making and maintaining of friendships.
I'm not talking about the friends that we invite over for dinner or go out to a movie with, I'm talking about the deeper friendships, the ones we cry with, the kind of friends that we bare our souls to. The kind of friends that you can phone up at 2:00 in the morning and know that they will listen. Lets make it even harder...lets exclude relatives in this instance. How many friends would you be able to fit into that intimate close relationship?
For those of you who will right away take exception to the fact that I excluded relatives and yes that means spouses...Our spouses certainly need to be those kind of friends, but I see no evidence anywhere that deep wholesome friendships should end there.
We were created to have deep meaningful friendships, that transcend the normal superficial level. I believe that our Creator put into us a desire for those relationships and not developing those kinds of friends will not only hurt us but also not give us the fulfilling life we were meant to have.
These kinds of friendships take time, sometimes years to develop and it often means finding time in your schedule, reshuffling your appointments and yes often sacrifice. These are the friends that walk through the dark times with us, laugh and enjoy those high moments of life, and are the ones that will silently put their arms around us when you need it because they know. It's not only about us though, it is also for us to give to others. It takes courage to step out and be that kind of a friend, it will take effort to find ways and places to build those friendships and determination to see those friendships through to the end.
The day will come quickly for all of us when we will need those kind of friends, when we will need those deep relationships, and the day will also come soon enough when we will no longer be able to build those friendships, what's stopping you?
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7 comments:
Hmmmm...
Good thots, Harold, but I beg to differ.
Not that this kind of friendship you describe doesn't ever happen, but that it might be necessary to pursue. I believe many people feel frustrated and unfulfilled because they don't EVER experience what you describe, perhaps because their lives are spent just surviving and existing, or perhaps because they just never have the opportunity. As a Christ follower, however, I have to say that the relationship I have sacrificed for with Him, in obedience to Him, sometimes even dying to my own desires has never disappointed me, never failed me, never left me alone. He is the one true thing! Pursue Him, make knowing and loving Jesus your one main goal and you will not fail to have joy, peace and life abundant.
Love ya, brother!
Shannie
www.shannonvr.com
Great article Harold. I know there is much one can say about what friendship can fulfill and what it can't...but the truth is, we were designed for relationship: with God, and with each other. To look at a marital relationship, Christ said that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the church (died for her, I might add). I would say that is a pretty deep human relationship. And the longing Paul expressed for the people he would always have to leave in different cities as he went from church to church, those brothers, those sisters...doesn't that make you long for that? But people are disposable these days. We don't have the same NEED (or so we think). There is something we are supposed to practice here -- something in our friendships that should reveal both the beauty of relationship but also, as Yancey calls it, the "rumor" of what is to come and what is ultimately perfect.
On a side note, did you know that George Beverly Shea is 102 and still good friends with Billy Graham? That must be like an 80 year old friendship (I am just guessing at that)...there is something about that.
Harold I agree. I think that that you nailed it because I put up a defense based on my circumstances. Being busy, being tired of giving, being not ready to go deep. Once you finally get time to spend with a person you or they have to put yourself out there as if to make a statement of vulnerability, in a state of fear of reciprocation. So even though we let ourselves be controlled by circumstances, I think it is fear based. However once you do, holy crap is it fulfilling.
i absolutely agree in that we are made for relationship and i don't think it was meant to be just surface. i find myself most fulfilled emotionally and spiritually when i give myself wholeheartedly into being the help that a friend needs, when they need it. it can be draining yet filling all at the same time. to see someone move forward in positive ways and grow in their walk with the Saviour is so great. that is what i want my life to be...when all is said and done i want to be remembered as someone who showed God's love, encouraged and cared for others in tangible ways. keep up the good work Harold.
I find that, when Christians talk about friendship it is basically optional. We get to pick and choose the who, what, when, where, why and how of this relationship.
The New Testament Church rarely spoke of friendship, but identified "brotherly love" as the norm; something that was absolutely necessary. Your challenge regarding friendship certainly applies to this "brotherly" relationship.
Over the years God has bee slowly changing my mind from thinking about what I am willing to do, to what he is already doing. If we take your encouragement about pursuing Christ-like relationships as far as God calls us, there are far fewer options than we would like to think.
Instead, we are actually obligated to obey all the commands about brotherly love with any believers God has put in our lives, even if they are not "in" our group of friends (or denominational local churches).
I can also see that the pursuit of such God-honoring relationships may diminish the number of superficial friends we have, but will increase the number of deep, growing relationships we are in.
Thanks for the encouragement, Harold.
Monte
Great article Harold! I think that people move so often and are so busy in their own endeavors nowadays that it is difficult to create the lasting friendships you are talking about. I would definitely add this to my top 5 difficult things to do for the very reasons I just mentioned. I know I get so busy with taking care of my family at home and extended family that I feel worn out emotionally most days. To work on those deeper relationships feels like more work and it can open me up to scrutiny. That's a scary place to be, but I know it's necessary to really live a full like. I'm working on it! :-)
Thanks for the reminder!
Blessed is the man/woman who has such a friend. I don't. It's my spouse and my family that I can count on to stand by me when the going gets tough. My life experience tells me I'm not alone in this.
I despair for people who don't have family - or who have blown it with their spouse and their kids - so don't get that kind of support.
In spite of TV shows like Friends, the world is full of lonely people. So is the church, because many can't seem to break through the selfishness, personal ambition, and cliques that exist there too.
We need to devote our lives to respecting others, reaching out to the lonely, serving and loving people (even the unloveable). In the course of that service we may find some of those deep friendships you're talking about.
Who wouldn't want that.
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